1095..

Obsessions

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children... "You all have obsessions," he observed.

To the first mother, Mary, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy."

He turned to the second Mom, Ann: "Your obsession is with money. Again,it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."

He turns to the third Mom, Joyce: "Your obsession is alcohol. This too manifests itself in your child's name, Brandy."

At this point, the fourth mother, Kathy, gets up, takes her little boy by the hand and whispers. "Come on, Dick, we're leaving."

1096...

Three Labrador retrievers, a brown, yellow, and black were sitting in the
waiting room at the vet's office when they began a conversation.

The black Lab turned to the brown and said, "So, why are you here?"

The brown Lab replied, "I'm a pisser. I piss on everything; the sofa, the
drapes, the cat, the kids. But the final straw was last night, when I
pissed in the middle of my owner's bed."

The black Lab said, "So, what is the vet going to do?"

"Gonna give me Prozac," came the reply from the brown Lab. "All the vets
are prescribing it. It works for everything."

He then turned to the yellow Lab and asked, "Why are you here?"

The yellow Lab said, "I'm a digger. I dig under fences, dig up flowers and
trees; I dig just for the hell of it. When I'm inside, I dig up the
carpets. I went over the line last night when I dug a great big hole in my
owner's couch."

"So what are they going to do to you?" the black Lab inquired.

"Looks like Prozac for me, too," the dejected yellow Lab said.

The yellow Lab then turned to the black Lab and asked, "Well, what are you
here for?"

"I'm a humper," the black Lab said. "I'll hump anything. I'll hump the cat,
a pillow, the table, fire hydrants, whatever. I want to hump everything I
see. Yesterday, my owner had just gotten out of the shower and she was
bending down to dry her toes, and I just couldn't help myself. I hopped on
her back and I started humping away."

The yellow and brown Labs exchanged a sad glance and said, "So, Prozac for
you, too, huh?"

The black Lab said, "No, I'm just here to get my nails clipped."

1097....

Less Time

* It took less time to take Iraq than it took Janet Reno to take the Branch Davidian compound. That was a 51-day operation.

* It took less time to find evidence of chemical weapons in Iraq than it took Hillary Clinton to find the Rose Law Firm billing records.

* It took less time for the 3rd Infantry Division and the Marines to destroy the Medina Republican Guard than it took Teddy Kennedy to call the police after his Oldsmobile sunk at Chappaquiddick.


Now there's something to think about!!!

1098...

Life's Lessons"

Some lessons are easier to learn than others.

According to a news report, a certain private school in

Washington recently was faced with a unique problem. A

number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick

and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but

after they put on their lipstick they would press their

lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.

Every night, the maintenance man would remove them and the

next day, the girls would put them back. Finally the

principal decided that something had to be done.

She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there

with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip

prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who

had to clean the mirrors every night.

To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the

mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls

how much effort was required. He took out a long-handled

squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror

with it.

Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.

There are teachers, and then there are educators...

1099..

and my email isn't even close to being empty yet.. geez... people must think I need to laugh huh?

1100....

__________________
-Toast-
"It takes a lot of brains to enjoy satire, humor and wit - but none to be offended by them." -- Johnny Hart ("BC", cartoonist, 2000)
"Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog: Nobody really enjoys it and the frog generally dies as a result." -- E. B. White

#1101

LMAO people!

__________________
Minds are like parachutes. They only work when they are open.

~Thomas Dewar~

#1102

I kinda like it without our fave positions listed over there

<---------------

It gives you a chance to ask......if you're actually interested!

__________________
Minds are like parachutes. They only work when they are open.

~Thomas Dewar~

#1103

Hey MilkToast?

__________________
Minds are like parachutes. They only work when they are open.

~Thomas Dewar~

1104
Looks like alot of people are changing there avitars lately

__________________
"There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that." (Lewis Grizzard)

To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.
E. E. Cummings

My Pictures

Picture requests

As Promised

#1105

I change mine ocassionally.....to spice things up! LOL!

__________________
Minds are like parachutes. They only work when they are open.

~Thomas Dewar~

__________________

Way hay #1107

__________________
*it's all Christine's fault

#1108

#1109