Thank you for the clarification, Loulabelle..I have a better understanding of where you're coming from, and it seems that were not so much in disagreement as I thought.

First off: I actually meant to say "overtly" (as in, upfront and open with her sexuality) rather than "overly"; my apologies for the typo. Actually, I don't really believe that there is any such thing as an "overly" sexual woman (or man), just some people who are more sexual than others.

Second; while I still personally disagree with your analysis a bit, I can see where you are coming from, and I understand your concerns about Raven much better. Yes, 19 year olds often can get in over their heads (both the ones above their shoulders and the ones between their legs) when it comes to sex, and yes indeed, they can be taken advantaged of by guys (and girls, too) who don't have their best interests at heart.

My only dissent is that, in my view, Raven seems to be pretty stable in her behaviors towards others. She does mention that she uses protection always, and that she is selective towards whom she chooses for her partners. To me, that doesn't sound like someone who is totally out of control and so obsessed with sleeping around; that sounds to me like simply someone who is experimenting with her basic desires for sexual variety. All of us have gone through that stage of our lives; if it happens that some encounters don't work out as well as others, than that's just the way of the world.

I respect your credentials very much, Loulabelle, and I didn't mean to degrade your concerns...but as a thinking sex radical, I tend to interpret Raven's response in a different form. You see it as her questioning her sexuality directly. I interpret it in another way; as part of the usual cultural and social pressures that are placed on women and men who act in opposition to the conventional plan of permanent compulsory monogamy and who insist on their right to determine their own sexuality for themselves. Perhaps Raven has internally bought into the belief that she is indeed a "bad" person (i.e. a "slut") for being so overtly sexual; and that reflects her questioning of her sanity. To me, though, that's simply a part of the experimentation of life in a predominately sex-negative society; and while you and I can giver her the best advice on what she needs to do, in the long run she has to make the ultimate decision about what to do with her life. I do understand that the real world isn't all beauty and perfection; but that's why we have to take things in the proper perspective and accept people's rights to make decisions on their own terms.

Also....I'm not sure what you mean about your concerns about Raven having sex for the "wrong reasons"; does that mean that people like her should only engage in sex for the "right" reasons?? And what exactly should those "right" reasons be particularly?? Deep emotional committment (read, true love)??? Financial or personal security??? I sincerely hope that you are not implying that young people who engage in sex outside of the paradigm of "long term relationships" should be automatically derided as being "out of control" and imature....for that would be as confining and nearly as reactionary as the conventional Christian Right viewpoint that any deviance from the Chosen Plan of marriage and motherhood for women is "un-Godly" and a cosmic threat. I accept and acknowledge your legitimate concern for her welfare; I just happen to think that alternative explanations can be found for her concerns.

So, really...we aren't that far apart as we thought, Loulabelle, and I do apologize sincerely for misinterpreting your original points. As you said, I am new to this forum, and as time goes on I will hopefully get to know and understand all of you a lot better. I just happen to have some strong opinions on these topics that I hope to bring into this forum..at least with a bit more tact then this.

And thanks for the welcome.



Anthony