Okay. Here goes.

When I was 15, my boyfriend at the time.. who was 19, tried to rape me. I broke his jaw with a right hook and ran for my life. He stalked me for 6 months.

At 18, I lost my virginity to rape, to my boyfriend at the time. I had been waiting for marriage, and my boyfriend knew it, but he just didn't respect that, that night. A month later, he broke up with me, but I just.. I felt so worthless, I wanted him back.. I just kept having sex, feeling like he'd already gotten what he wanted, that it was the only way to keep him, blah blah blah. Needless to say, my confidence was shit, and I was doing stupid things. I eventually got pregnant by him, he proposed, I said yes, and then I miscarried. I broke up with him a week later.

Then I met this guy. Rob*. Rob* was my rebound guy. We met, we fucked (a LOT), and I thought things were going just dandy. I had this lovely, BUILT, lusty guy, and that felt good to me. Now, I make it very clear to my boyfriends, girlfriends, and fuckbuddies that I do NOT have sex when I've been drinking. It is a general rule of mine. One night, Rob* and I went out to drink. We drank a LOT. There was a building-crawl going on at my dorm at the university, and we went back to party there. I said no, I wouldn't be having sex, and he said okay, and offered me more wine. He kept filling my glass, and eventually, he shut the door and started kissing me. Kissing felt okay, so I let it happen, but he started trying to undress me, and I said no, no no no no no no. He just wouldn't listen. He hit me in the face, cracking my cheekbone, and then hit me in the mouth (luckily no teeth came loose), but split my lip, and then threw me on the bed... he took the wine bottle, and shoved it up my... it ripped up my insides, till blood was running down my legs onto my bed. Then he turned me over and put his hand around my neck, and ordered me to watch him.. he slipped on a condom, hit my body and face a few more times, and then fucked me. Raped me. Told me he loved me and hated me, told me I was a goddess and a whore. And then I started to scream, and he said he'd kill me if another sound left my mouth. He almost did.. the bruises around my neck were brutal... he held my neck for leverage as he fucked... when he was done, I threw his clothes out the window, and he beat me for it, but had to run through my building naked, and blood-stained to get them.

The police didn't believe me. And the priests at my church blamed me.

I don't have much faith in authority anymore.