hello everyone. i know this may sound a bit strange from someone so new, but i've always had a little problem with it.

i was in a bad situation once where someone forced themself on me. but that is not the topic at hand, just some background. i have a problem with getting aroused sometimes and here is the real question. i was wondering if someone can help me understand why when the only time i get aroused are times when i think about getting hurt. i just find it so disturbing that to turn me on, i have to go to such a bad memory. can anyone relate or know something about this? i want to understand why this is so.