CelticAngel,

I'm *so* sorry this jerk (I'm being polite right now) here did such a horrible act to you! What a horrible way to reward "love"!

I'm sorry that you further victimized yourself afterward. A lot of us did or do such things. I certainly did a lot of things to get "back" at myself and at others around me. I was not a nice person for quite a long time. I hope you're ok now. It might be helpful to find a support group of people with similar experiences to share with; they will understand. Therapy can be helpful too.

Offering warm *SAFE* hugs!