Pixies Baking Tips
 

So my dear sweet bastard of a friend Mr. Skipthisone used to give me the worst grief over my baking follies. I just suck at it. I ALWAYS fuck it up. No matter how hard I try or how close attention I think I am paying I invariably make some miscalculation and it turns out like shit.

This years fiasco involves being very aware of the labeling of a new or new to you product. I, feeling wayyyyyyyyyyyyy overconfident, decided to take on spritz, sweet little crisp butter cookies made using a cookie press. The dough was beatuful for the first batches and the cookies seemed to be turning out ok, despite a few browned dozen. So as I made a new batch of dough I opened a bag of new flour I bought just for these delicacies that is a softer flour. Thinking that if the first batch turned out well this batch would totally rock, I mixed away. As I was throwing the new flour bag in the trash I noticed the labelling, self rising :eek: It was at that moment I knew my favorite bastard, wherever the hell he is, was laughing his damn ass off. So now I have Poofz not Spritz. :D The motto: Check twice bake once :D

Please feel free to add your helpful tips so that we may be spared our own personal embarrassment by laughing at yours :D

In these pics I paired up the Spritz with it's matching steroid enhanced cousin Poofz. :D

Exploding Turkey!!
 

Although my story is about baking, my happened about 3 Thanksgivings ago...

Thanksgiving was at my apartment for my kids and my parents, I had been cooking and preparing all day. I made my specialty, sage prochutto stuffing and from scratch pumkin pie. Since my table was small and could only hold our place settings and beverages, i set everything on what little counter space that i had and was going to serve buffet style. In order to make serving the turkey easier i deboned it and put it in the nice matching blue glass Pyrex pans that i had. I set them on the stove and went on getting the seving spoons. I smelled turky cooking a little stronger that what was just a few moments before, and realized that the burner on the stove was still on! as i reached to move the pan, the glass shattered and ALL the surrounding food was covered in glass! I just stood in the kitchen and bawled!

We ended up eating store bought chicken and side dishes that year....

(my pans are all metal now)

I say you take your Poofz™, throw together some clever marketing and bright packaging (or bright marketing and clever packaging) and sell a buttload next year. :D

<announcer>Tired of the same old Spritz cookies during the holiday season? Well, we've got the cookie for you! Introducing Poofz™, from the Bitchmod Bakery©. Lighter and fluffier than run of the mill Spritz cookies, Poofz™ will make you the envy of every host after they hear their guests ask, 'Hey, who brought those Bitchen cookies?' Look for Poofz™ in your local bakery aisle or next to the bondage gear at your nearest adult novelty retailer. </announcer>

LOL Aqua! that is perfect!

OMG lizz my girlfriend did that with a pyrex dish fill with sweet potato souffle. Horrid mess. Glad no one got hurt.

Aqua... I've always wanted my own line of Bitch Scout Cookies :D

Poofz are taking to the airwaves!

roflmfao!!!!!

Aqua...that was fabulous!!!

Aqua you are sooooooo good *LMAO*

I can't bake anything either, Lil...and I gave up trying years ago. I'm the woman who can turn instant brownies into brickbats.

I'm proud of you for still TRYING to bake. :)

Aqua that was soooo funny that i nearly woke everyone up by laffing too loudly!

the back ground music was great...bow-chi-chi-bow-bown! Sooo porno!

*snickers at lil*
:D
my tips:

if a recipe calls for a cup of coffee, it does not mean coffee from a can, it means brew some godamn coffee and use a cup of the liquid...the liquid.

read a recipe through first. if you begin by just chucking all the ingredients in a bowl, you may find that when you get to the instructions, you did it all wrong.

when a recipe calls for butter, don't melt it first to get the proper measurement ... there are neat little lines right on the side of the package for your convenience.

do not think that just because your baking powder/soda is out of date you should just double the amount. funny enough, that shit just don't work that way.

I believe this should be attributed to comedian Killer Beez...

"The recipe said, 'cover the bottom of the pan with grease'...y'all wanna hear what the Fire Marshall had to say about that?"

lmfao^^

Baking soda and baking powder are not, I repeat, are NOT interchangable.
There is a recipe card with my mom that has a handwritten note as a result of a waffle mishap, "If intent is to poison siblings, substitute baking soda for baking powder"