I don't know about the others but I see you as a very strong, level headed person LAW. I've admired your position on this throughout. I also don't pass judgement on her either since I can't know the whole story through any one view. I can empathise and only offered my thoughts. We are after all only human.

thank you.
:x:

Lonelyarmy wife, I don't even know how to begin. On one hand, she needs to be strong for her husband, who is going through one of the most difficult challenges of his life. On the other, she is lonely and needs the comfort of a man.

Like osuche said earlier, I think it is possible to care for two people at once. The only thing is that, at some point, her husband is going to come home. What does she do then?

I wish your friend strength...what a terrible dilemma she is facing.


rabbit

LAW- some of what Gekko said had a very good point... I do agree it would be best for her to wait on her husband to come home because of the innocent child involved. However, I am not so sure I could be as strong as both of you. I can't imagine watching the things on CNN and knowing my husband, the father of my children, and last but not least the love of my life was over there fighting for us and for his life. I just can't imagine. There is a guy I talk to that went over there and came home early cause he got shot up god I was happy to hear he was home, but soooo sad that he had gotten shot. He could have lost his life... anyway completely off track...

I don't know that I could be as strong, but god knows I would want to be, I would be in tears almost every night and I would kling so tight to my son, because he would remind me so much of his father. I suggest the friend spends more time with her children than with her friend. Altho god knows that I would want to see the friend and hang out. She needs to distance herself just for a little while to find out where her true feelings lie.

I am so sorry she finds herself in this position.

I wish the both of you well, and I pray to God that they both come home safely!

love ya LAW

I can't help but empathize with the guy, I mean if she's this lonely being away from him, how does HE feel??? going though this difficult time and also not having her around , mayhaps that explains how they do it eh? I don't know, I just can't imagine how I'd feel being in his situation , being that lonely and wanting to be back with your wife and she's already thinking of building a new relationship with someone else because you can't be there, shitty deal thats for sure.

Remind me not to join up with the army

Although I can understand her stance and her feelings, and understand the fact that distance does cause serious problems in relationships, what she needs to really ask herself is if the love for her husband is to be overshadowed, by this man who is making her feel so complete.

Obviously, she loves her husband, if she didn't she wouldn't of married him, but what your friend needs to come to grips with is if its worth losing a loving, caring husband over, for something that isn't as established, isn't as sure-fire, and isn't as concrete as the man over seas, laying his head back at night in a barrack, thinking of his wife and kid at home...

Maybe I'm coming off as a bit of an a**hole, but this is a subject near and dear to my heart, since I have a brother overseas and he was involved in the same situation with his fiance. He went over, and she found someone else and broke his heart, because she couldnt live with the loneliness...

While I understand where these females are coming from, you must also understand that the vows you make during marriage are "till death do us part"...either that or till you get a good divorce lawyer...

You made a commitment to this man and if you are loyal and faithful, you should honor and stick by your man.

She must ask herself, how does her husband feel? Has she considered how lonely he must be? Has she considered how much he is probably dying to get home to her? What about her son? How is she going to explain to him, that while daddy was away, she found something she considers better. While it looks wonderful now, it may just lead to a big bucket of problems...

In the long run, is such a change, really worth all the damage that may potential come from it?

(Sorry if I came off as a complete asshole, so not something I wanted to do, or the impression I wanted to give off...SORRY! :(...)

her situation isn't that uncommon among military spouses. her feelings for both her husband and her good friend are real. i love my friends, and some of them i could see myself happily in a relationship with, if i wasn't already involved (and if they were single as well). however, i don't allow myself to think abou the possibility of being with any of them, because i love and am very much *in love* with my partner.

she committed to her husband and chose him over all of the other men she could have chosen...there had to be a reason for it. when she starts having thoughts about the other guy, encourage her to instead think about her husband and what it was about him that attracted her to him. if her feelings toward the friend don't fade back into "just friends", she will have to make the choice to either carry on an affair, or tell one of them that she's sorry, but he's not as good as the other guy in her eyes. that would be a very hard thing, too, and she has to consider whether she's going to be able to do it.
in the meantime, she's got a great friend in you, and i know you're torn about how to help her...just be there, let her talk it out and maybe help her find an interest in something that's just for the girls, so she won't dwell on the fact that her husband is away. sign up for an all-female yoga class, or set up a standing appointment to have manicures/pedicures, maybe even finding someone on base to babysit for the two of you and have a weekly "girls only" night. get a bottle of wine, your favorite "pampering" foods (death by chocolate cake, brownies with lots of icing, ice cream sundaes...you get the idea ) and a good chick flick. or a video of your favorite stand up comedian(s). create a perpetual calendar with note cards, with a special thought each day for the husband and for you two as well (ie, monday - think about what your favorite food to eat off your partner is, tuesday - what's your favorite body part to lick...to have licked?, wednesday - what's the first thing you noticed about your love?, etc..)that can be flipped back to the beginning and used each month to remind both partners of each other.
good luck to both of you. i know this has to be hard on you, too, as it reminds you daily that your love is away, also. chin up, girl, you're definately someone special :x: